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Submitted by: Anonymous Comments: 0 (Read/Post)
Dear RiceCop.com,

I work in the Chicago, IL area. Another employee owns an Audi A4 that is commonly parked in the same lot as me. This classy individual is usually parked in a handicapped spot with no handicapped sticker. One day the Audi was parked in their spot sporting a dual 3 inch DTM exhaust tip and this horrible extruded aluminum rear wing. Some fellow workers and I did a little investigating of our own. The wing is drilled into the weakest point of the sheet metal trunk lid using button-top screws and loads of black RTV sealant where the wing mounts to the trunk. Did I mention that this person was classy?

I have been interested in sport compact cars for some time and yes, I did own a ricer CRX at one time. I have learned my lesson and now concentrate on performance improvements rather that aesthetics. Looking back, I would have given myself a ticket for the CRX. You could call me a "reformed ricer". Anyways we took my plain Civic and decided to run our own down force test. Maybe we could understand the purpose of the Audi wing if we got good results ourselves.

We used only the "best" materials. Lightweight, availability, and high strength were our most important concerns. We chose "high strength corrugate" and "black aircraft tape" for our wing construction. With proper engineering and precision manufacturing we fashioned the optimal down force generator. This marvel of rice engineering was attached to my car during lunchtime. From the photos you can see that proper attachment is necessary for MAXIMUM down force. The "black aircraft tape" was not adhering well to the cold/wet body panels, so the panels were cleaned off and we increased the tape contact area. The wing stayed in place, we had success at last. Of course we stopped to take some pre-test photos for documentation. We even got a photo next the inspirational Audi!!!

We were set to conduct our tests. As you can see it was snowing and we were interested to see the results. We hypothesized that the added down force would increase traction on the snowy surface. After two laps around the test track we report that there was indeed increased traction. Wow, the Audi driver was a true rice-innovator. How could we ever have doubted the Audi?

Unfortunately, the Audi driver saw one of the test photos and promptly confiscated it. I guess we were running an unauthorized test on this patented performance product, so we must remain anonymous. Oh well, I guess we will know better next time.


Posted by: Trooper

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